Ah, Christmas. The only time of year where it’s completely normal for people to give you tonnes of presents all at once. If it were happening in March you’d be a bit suspicious really wouldn’t you? But one of the highlighted parts is the office Christmas Party
This is also the time of the year when eating and drinking takes place alongside a perpetual scramble to find as many layers as possible.
There’s another thing December is known for and that is The Christmas Party. “Finally,” you think, “I will find out who Phil in accounts is and why he keeps emailing me.”
Apart from Phil, we’ve catalogued five people you’ll invariably find at the Christmas Party.
The Wild One
Well, you had absolutely no idea that they turned into this when they drank. Paula from HR will continue to rage on into the early hours of the night, dancing on podiums &c. How has she turned into this? Well…clearly it’s all the free booze. She’ll drag herself into work the next day only to be regaled with tales of what she did the night before.
Similar to The Wild One, but less of a surprise. You kind of already knew that The Drunk drinks a lot. Every Monday you sit in worried dismay as he tells you about his weekend: what will they be like when you finally get to see their alcohol-dependency in action? When it comes down to it, he’ll have you drinking 10 shots of tequila with him; you a regretful mess, he an apparently sober trouper. The Drunk seems to be impervious to everything he drinks, and turns up to work the next day as if nothing has happened.
“Mate, why are you still talking about work? It’s 8pm on a Friday. No, I don’t care about the email that we have to send out on Monday: pass me a beer and be quiet, will you?” This is probably what you’re going to be thinking when this guy starts talking about work when you’re mid-way through your Christmas din. The Workaholic will do nothing but talk about how tired he is of work, and yet he seems incapable of talking about anything else. Unfortunately, this guy also moonlights as a bit of a party pooper. Steer well clear.
The Emotional Wreck
Maybe they’ve just gotten out of a relationship or is living with the housemates from hell, and suddenly, Adele song reaching its crescendo, and they break down in tears. You ply her with Sambuca but it just makes things worse. Crying all night, someone mistakenly gives her the karaoke machine and there she is, singing the Adele song to her heart’s content. Someone get her an Uber and a kebab…
This person is quick to tell you how stupid Christmas is and how it’s just a way for companies to get money off of you. They’re not participating in any Christmas traditions and sure as hell aren’t singing along when I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day comes on. Find this one tucked away in the corner sipping on an eggnog and trying with all their might not to let the corners of their mouth twitch.
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